If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
