Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I would fuck him just for his dog
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
