I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
