Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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