I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
