Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
