no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
