I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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