At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize