you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
