So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
