you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
