So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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