I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
40s are totally the cure
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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