thus making me awesome and them whores
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
