You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
