**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
