I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
