I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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