I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
