Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
