he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
