1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
