Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
