Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
