Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If that was your dad, he is hot
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
