Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
