and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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