I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sext me about skeletons
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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