i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
