There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
