Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
