And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
