people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
