R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
