I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
