Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
