i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
