You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
