she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
