I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
