i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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