i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
