some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
