im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
