I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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