Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
