Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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