I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
