well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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