you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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