Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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