im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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