I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
