Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
