He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
