summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
