Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
