guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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