Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
