i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
