What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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