When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
