Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
well most of my day revolves around power hour
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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