She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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