the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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