Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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