of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
