i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
