It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize