i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize