The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
