i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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