We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
