We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
