omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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