Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Too much gin, very little bucket
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Let's get the cat blown out
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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