Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
