Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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